26 Arbitrary Rules for a Better Life

1. Return everything you borrow.
2. Never be ashamed of who you are. If it must be changed, work for it. If not, fuck it.
3. Respect everyone, no matter their opinions, personality, skin colour, sexuality, gender, job, friends, favourite type of sandwich. It doesn’t matter. When you respect others, they respect you back. If they don’t, don’t get down on their level.
4. Be kind.
5. Be gentle but agressive when necessary. Take a stand. Fight for what you believe in.
6. When someone hugs you, let them be first to let go.
7. Wear whatever the fuck you want.
8. Don’t hate anyone. Hatred drains you and holds you back.
9. Sing and dance freely and often. Alone. With friends. In the street. In the shower. Wherever and whenever.
10. Create things. Write, paint, whatever floats your boat.
11. Make time to read a good book. And not just the ones you must read; the ones you enjoy too.
12. If a street performer makes you stop walking, maybe he deserves the reward.
13. Keep the secrets people trust you with.
14. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
15. Don’t dumb yourself down.
16. Keep quiet if what you are going to say is neither useful or kind.
17. Talk to the newbies.
18. If you have a chance to do the right thing, do it.
19. If you’ve made your point, shut up.
20. Thank the bus driver.
21. Know how to cook at least one good meal.
22. Alone time is important.
23. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Be a good listener.
24. Don’t litter. The trash can is right there.
25. You’re never too old to need your parents.
26. How someone feels does not depend on other people. Someone can always have it worse, but that doesn’t invalidate how you feel.

My Self Care Checklist

     It's important to do things for you only and to build a stronger and healthier relationship with yourself. This is my Self Care Checklist, with all the things I do to feel better both physically and mentally. You can adapt this list to your needs and tell me if there is any other thing you do to take care of yourself. This list is meant to be something you can comeback to when you need a boost but also something you put to practice everyday. Also, this is aimed at everyone, whether you just feel like crap today or you battle with bigger problems like anxiety and depression (although this is meant to treat the symptoms, not the cause).


DO EVERYDAY
These are the things you should do everyday to take care of yourself in the long term.

DRINK WATER AND EAT WELL
Taking care of yourself starts with taking care of your body; being hydrated and being healthy instantly boosts up your mood and your confidence in the long term, much like exercising. I've noticed big improvements in every area of my life since I started doing this.

TAKE BREAKS
Whatever it is that's stressing you, stop if it's too much. If you've been studying so much you can't even look at your textbooks anymore, stop; go for a walk, watch a TV show, or if you want to just give yourself a weekend to relax. If you're just in a bad place and don't fill like facing people that day, don't - stay home, clean your house, watch a movie - just don't let avoiding your problems become a habit.

EXERCISE
If to you that means going for a walk or running 10 kilometres, it doesn't matter. Do what suits you best. Exercise makes you feel better both physically and mentally because it releases endorphins into your brain - it is known to be a good therapy for depression and anxiety.

EXPRESS YOURSELF
Write, paint, draw, write music, do whatever you want to express yourself and how you feel. Doing this daily keeps you from bottling up things and exploding (or imploding) later. Keeping a journal is a great idea, or you can do what I did and create a blog.

GET ENOUGH SLEEP
This isn't easy for everyone (it isn't for me) but getting enough sleep is super important to get you ready to face the entire day, to feel energised and to be in a good mood.


WHEN YOU NEED A BOOST
Sometimes you are feeling particularly shitty and you just need to distract yourself and sheer up.

KEEP BUSY
If something is troubling you, get it off your mind. First you need to be calmer, then you can deal with the problem. Clean the house, watch TV, read. A good thing to do is spend time making your room a space that reflects your personality, by hanging up drawings, rearranging furniture, lighting candles, whatever you want, because you're not only keeping busy but you're creating a safe space.

TALK TO SOMEONE
It really helps if you talk about your problems to someone, but if that's not something you are ready to do, or you just don't want to, talk to your friends and family about something else. Just being with them will make you feel better, I promise.

SNUGGLE
When I feel down, I start craving hugs. Snuggle with your family, friends or a pet. Physical affection makes you feel warm inside and helps you let everything out.

TAKE A BATH
Spend some time with yourself, doing things that benefit you. Take a long bath with a lot of bubbles, candles and music. Read a book or just close your eyes and relax. Moisturise after.

LISTEN TO MUSIC
Something happy or soothing preferably.

READ A BOOK
Reading fiction distracts you, but reading some happy non-fiction can work too. Just read something you enjoy.

WATCH A FUNNY TV SHOW
These distract you just like books do, and there's a practically endless supply.


WHEN YOU JUST NEED TO GET IT OUT
Sometimes something really bad or frustrating happens and you need an escape; others times it's something you've been dealing with for a while and you feel like you need to let some of the rage and frustration out. These are ways to do that.

SCREAM
When I was in a less good place mentally, I did this a lot when I was alone. Remember that safe space I told you to create when keeping busy? You can use it now. Go somewhere where you can't disturb anyone and nobody can't disturb you and just scream as much as you want. This helps you get all the frustration out if you need to, but you shouldn't let things bottle up to this point if you can.

HIT A PILLOW
Hitting something does for you the same thing screaming does: it let's all the frustration out. You should hit something soft so you don't get hurt, of course. Smashing play-doh also helps. Again, you must take care of yourself over time so you don't get to the point where you need to do this.

GET PROFESSIONAL HELP
Yes, this counts as self care. My therapist once said to me that although some people certainly have it harder than others, practically everyone could benefit from therapy sessions. If you have a problem you can't deal with on your own, there's no shame in asking for help, no matter how small it is. Psychologists are professionals who are trained to analyse how you feel from an impartial point of view, find the cause and help you solve the problem. If you would go to the doctor because you broke a bone, you should also go to the doctor if there's a problem with your mental health. I'll say it again: all the things on this list can help you treat the symptoms of something you might have going on, but they can't treat the cause.

     We all deal with how we feel in different ways, these are just a few things we can do to take care of ourselves. I hope you find them useful!

The purge of self-hate

   I like to think that I’ve come a long way when it comes to loving myself and my body, but sometimes something pops up and I get scared that insecurities just never really go away. 

     Sometimes I tell my friends things I hate about myself. They slip out because I feel the need to say what they’re thinking. They always deny it, and I get embarrassed because I don’t want them to feel like I’m fishing for compliments. Most times I’m not even expecting a reaction. I’m just letting it out. 

     The thing is, they shouldn’t even be denying anything - it reinforces the idea that any of the things I'm about to say are bad. I hate them because that’s what I was told to do by others who were told the same. I hate them because at one point my self-esteem was so low I decided everything about me was gross and now I can’t get it out of my head. My friends shouldn’t try to convince me that what I think isn't true, they should try to convince me that it’s okay not to look like a supermodel. Not that I don't know that, I do, but I, like many others, have been so conditioned to chase after a perfect body that when people say something like "oh, you look so thin!" I can't help but smile, even if I think that shouldn't be neither a good or a bad thing. 

     So, that's what you need to know to understand where this is coming from. This post is a purge: I’m letting everything I hate out, so I can let everything I love in. This is not gonna be very positive, so you might want to skip to the end.

The official list of reasons why I hate my body:

I’m not pretty

I’ve got chubby cheeks and they’re always red

My boobs are small and look like teabags

I have stretch marks all over and they’re not even the pretty ones

I’m more cellulite than human

 My hips are huge and my thunder tighs make me feel like an elephant walking

I’m not tall, which makes me seem rounder

Not matter how much I exercise or how little I eat, I always look disgusting.

My butt is squishy and shaky and so big it keeps knocking things over

I’m so pale I look sick but when I do tan I look dirty

My nails are ugly

My hair is always gross

My arms are so fat they never look good in t-shirts just like my legs don’t look good in shorts

My face, fingers, neck, stomach and back are fat

My shoulders are wide as fuck

You can’t really see my knees when I’m standing because of all the fat.

     It’s a bit hard to preach body positivity when inside you still think about yourself everything you say others must not. But this was my purge. I will try to keep these thoughts out of my mind, and hopefully I can look back at this in a few years and be happy about how I feel about myself then. I advise you to do the same. You can do it right down there in the comments, in a notebook, in your blog, whatever. Just do it. Purge. Let it out so you can move on to being better.